Muslim and gay?

[israel]

Hello all,

Muslim and gay... here's my dilemma. I am religious and I do believe that I should not express my sexuality with another person of the same sex... (some of you may disagree)

I also believe that being gay is not my personal choice...

To add to my frustration I really don't have anyone to talk to, at least to get the pressure out of my head...

Anyone in the same situation? Would like to share experiences and talk for a bit as this is making me mad.

My e-mail: confusedmuslim[AT]hotmail.com Feel free to e-mail

I really just need someone to talk to in an Islamic way... Society expects me to get married, etc (the usual stuff) but I just don't know how this is possible... I have no attraction to people of the opposite sex... :(

ps: I am not Israeli, it's just an ironic name

[neeyo]

why should you not express your sexuality of the same sex?
What is wrong with doing that

[neeyo]

You need to understand that Islam,and all religions,seek to control sex.
Sex is the most enjoyable thing we can do, and it's free !
Religion can't possibly allow that as it seeks to control people.
Before you can have sex religion requires you to have the correct paperwork!- you have to be married.
You can only have 'approved' sex, you cetainly do 'that' in your sex.
And it certainly won't allow it with a member of the same sex.

[Dreamboy]

have u ever have sex with a man? i know its so dfficulty to fullfil family expectations but u should find out whats best 4 you and pray to your god and been gay is a chioce isnot something you born with lol

[albirt]

Hi Israel,

I can understand that it's hard for you as it seems that you have to make a choice. But I think it's not a choice but you have to go in contact with your God and He will sent you an answer. It's more than sex, it's all about love and I think no God will deny true love

[ButtyBoy]

been gay is a chioce isnot something you born with lol

I hope that's a joke hehe

[farhad]

Hello.

I am in the same situation as you. As i am muslim and confused. However, i disagree with those that say .. being gay is a choice... its not a choice .. its something that we were borned as. If it was a choice..i would have not chosen it.

I am 24 and all these years (since i was 17) i believed that some day i will change and become straight .. and that i would marry ( as my family and society wishes) but so far it hasn't happened. I am still in closet... confused and sad.

[Murat]

It is difficult for a young muslim gay man to cope with the presures put on him by his family. In London we have many gay arab friends whose only choice was to leave their country and come to England. A couple went down the straight path and got married of course it did not change their sexuality and they are forced,like many gay arabs,to lead double lives. A few, one fro utar,and one from Tunisia came out when they were over 18, to this day (and they are in their thirties now, their families still believe it is phase and they will become straight one day. To say it is not easy is to understate the difficulties. All I can say is that being true to yourself is the most important thing. you will only move forward once you have accepted what you are. Those who truly love you will stay with you whatever your sexuality

[mubtala]

Hi dear Israel,

I am facing the same problem you are facing, I am a real example of what you are speaking about.
Dear Israel being a gay is not your choice , that is right, and you as well as myself we know the feeling and the high pressure we are facing. On one hand we cant freely enjoy sex if we get the chance,on the other hand we are making a big effort to hide from the society what we are feeling.

Dear Israel, I have a lot to tell you about my life , how I decided myself to get married , How I became a father, how and how???
Please send to me your email on my email bis_70 at hotmail..

Thanks

Tarek




Hello all,

Muslim and gay... here's my dilemma. I am religious and I do believe that I should not express my sexuality with another person of the same sex... (some of you may disagree)

I also believe that being gay is not my personal choice...

To add to my frustration I really don't have anyone to talk to, at least to get the pressure out of my head...

Anyone in the same situation? Would like to share experiences and talk for a bit as this is making me mad.

My e-mail: confusedmuslim[AT]hotmail.com Feel free to e-mail

I really just need someone to talk to in an Islamic way... Society expects me to get married, etc (the usual stuff) but I just don't know how this is possible... I have no attraction to people of the opposite sex... :(

ps: I am not Israeli, it's just an ironic name

[farhad]

murat help me out too .... i really want to get married but i am scared ...

[mubtala]

Dear Farhad and all the other friends muslims or non muslims , we are mankind, we are at the biggining and at the end , we are the same, we feel we are indeed in a hard need to listen to each other, and try to understand him ....

To all of you please contact me on my hotmail "bis_70" to discuss with you anything concerning " BEING A GAY AND GET MARRIED".

I will be in a country where this site is screened, please contact me all of you.

Thanks and take care.

[moeaman]

I am Muslim and Gay. i am openly gay, it is easier for me, maybe bacause i am in America, i understand where my family are from it is very hard to be open with your sexuality. ofause witht the respect out of my family i agree not to talk to them about it. but i am still able to live my life the way i want. i still practice my religion and obey and love my god. and he is blessing me everyday with so many rewards for that. be true to your self, you do not have to flash your sexuality out there. but it does not mean you can not have a descent relationship with someone just because you are religious....after all religion is always talk about love.

So be yourself, and be safe.




Hello all,

Muslim and gay... here's my dilemma. I am religious and I do believe that I should not express my sexuality with another person of the same sex... (some of you may disagree)

I also believe that being gay is not my personal choice...

To add to my frustration I really don't have anyone to talk to, at least to get the pressure out of my head...

Anyone in the same situation? Would like to share experiences and talk for a bit as this is making me mad.

My e-mail: confusedmuslim[AT]hotmail.com Feel free to e-mail

I really just need someone to talk to in an Islamic way... Society expects me to get married, etc (the usual stuff) but I just don't know how this is possible... I have no attraction to people of the opposite sex... :(

ps: I am not Israeli, it's just an ironic name

[Murat]

Farhad, Non Muslims almost inevitably simplify the predicament you and other Muslims are in. They don't understand that for Muslims,particularly from middle-eastern countries the whole social structure revolves around the family. There are few if any friends outside the family. If your family disowns you you become a complete outcast, This is why so many gay muslims get married. It is a stark choice because if you don't you not only lose your family you lose your whole commuinty. This is why so many are forced to lead double lives. In London it is rare for a gay muslim to have a partner from the same community part of the reason is that it would mean both men would face pressures from the same community. You choice is a stark one, get married and live a lie, or leave, move away and build a life where you are true to yourself. It will be painfull. When I came out I lost people I had known for over thirty years. BUT I also found who my true friends were. More than anything you need a friend with whom you can talk and who will give you the support for what will be a difficult few years. Do I regret coming out ,no, Do I regret losing old friends yes but were they reallly my friends or was I just fitting into a box they had made in their minds for me. Better one true friend that a thousand fair weather ones. If you decide to get married you will make your family happy, produce children they will be happier. But what about your wife? what of her feelings? and how long before you cannot support the lie any longer. All I can say is that I despite all the pain I don't regret coming out. I wish you well. If you think me wrong please let me know. I can only say what I beleive is right Murat

[Murat]

Farhad. I left a message last week for you it does not appear to have been posted. let me know if you read it, if not i will send again

[Murat]

Farhad I forgot to say. I am Turkish

[farhad]

Hello all.

Thank u Murat for the nice message. However i didn't get ur last message.

I always knew that i am straight that i want to have family .. but deep down i have the fair that i may not get arouse once ia m with a female. Reason why i fear goes back when i was in my late teens... i had sex with men and only men .... i thought it would be a phase and it will go away .. now i am in 20s and want to have a family of my own but afraid that i may not be able to have sex with a female ... i am really confused don't know what i should do ...

[farhad]

Mubtala i added u on my msn .. i am looking forward to have a chat with u .. take care.

[angelous]

Hello farhad,

PLease contact me at gil_altamirano at yahoo, I will really apreciated.

Thank U

ANgel

[duhleenkwint]

I can't pretend to understand what it is like to be under such societal constraints. I do live in a pretty repressive part of the USA (it's not all New York and Los Angeles!), but nothing like, say, Riyahd. BUT LISTEN: if you marry a woman that you are not in love with and you are not able to "fulfill", you will be hurting another person. Her only "sin" would be not knowing the truth.

A side question: why is it that on international sites (gay.com, gaydar) it appears that in Turkey there are many out gays, but also in that country there are many gays who are only looking for discreet encounters because, they say, they live in a "Muslim society". I have run into many of both groups, often from the same city! (Istan or Ank) How do people from the same place have such a different experience regarding the society they live in?

[saltyshakes]

As you suggest, in any city in Europe or America you will find people who are out & others that aren't dependent on their confidence, immediate environment as well as general societal influences.

As you're somewhat familiar with Turkey, you'll realise that a complex history has made it a country with a unique secular-religious dynamic, legally & socially. Yes, it is a largely muslim country [with some orthodox christians & others] with typically disapproving but contradictory/hypocritical attitudes to sexuality & 'masculinity' so it is generally more difficult to be out & retain relationships with family etc & establishment agencies eg police etc are inclined to act unfavourably with regard to gay people.

However, it isn't as repressive an environment as Egypt [where homosexuality is not exactly illegal although other laws are used to support persecution], for example, let alone muslim states that incorporate more Sharia law [outlawing homosexuality] so more people are prepared to be out in Turkey & adopt some western attitudes with regard to identity but many don't.

Everyone has a different experience of shared general environments, have different 'micro-environments' & we make different decisions based on these & other factors.

[Murat]

Hi Farhad,

It is all too easy to concentrate on the negative sides of being gay in a straight world where family life (getting married having kids) is the norm. I can understand why you would like to have kids. Being gay doesn't mean you are not intersted in having children. Gay or straight a relationship, particularly where there are childre, has to be honest. Countless dramas have been written about relationships build on an untrut that unraval and the distars that ensue.
here is a true story about a frien. I will call him Samir and he was born in a North African country but brough up in London. He has always been gay, he caved in to his parent's demands (they lived where he was born) and got married. His wife came to live with him in England. They had two children. The wife would stay at home and he would at the weekend dissappear of in the evening to a well known gay bar where arabs meet and when lucky (quite often he is a good looking man) he would meet a guy and have seek. He has done this for years. About 17 months ago. He picked up a gay englishman who called a taxi to go from the gay bar to the guy's place for sex. The drver of the taxi (unknown to Samir) knew who he was. It took two days for the overheard conversation in the taxi to reach Samir's family. They disowned him and one day Samir arrived home to find his wife and children gone backto his homeland. A place far too dangerous for Samir now identified to return. The damage done to Samir is enormous. You can see his sense of loss in his eyes. He is not the same person. Who is to blame? His wfie and children had done no wrong. All the consequences stem from Samir deciding to live a lie. I doubt if there is a gay person reading this who has come out that hasn't lost a friendd a member of family, etc who has not been able to accept the fact that someone they thought was straight is in fact gay. But do you ever find a gay guy who regrets coming out. No. At easter I had friends over, my partner from Iraq, A friend from Spain, one from Norther Ireland, and one from Malaysia (A Muslim two Christians, and a bhuddist) All my friends had one thing in common living in their own country close to their family was not compatible with being gay so they chose to move. Which brings me to the point of this ramble. We all have choices it is just that some are very hard to make but if you are true to yourself in time once the pain has gone, you will know that what you did was right. Work it out and come to terms with your own sexuality and start from there. I was lucky I found a gay friend who helped me and gave me the same advice I give to you. Being gay is not just about who you can get to screw it is about friends and living your life how you want to live it. Last week I meet a straight friend who I have known for 30 years. We did not speak for five after I came out. It took him that long to truly accept my sexuality. Think positive. You are lucky you live in a country more tolerant than most with people who will listen they wont come to you if you don't reach out to them. It took me a decade to come to terms with my sexuality. I bitterly regret now taking so long. Get back to me with any criticsm or any point you would like to make. With all my heart I wish you well

[ButtyBoy]

Personally I think that many of the out gay guys in Turkey are banished by their families. I think that many of them decide to choose for themselves and live their own lives at some point, knowing what the consequenses will be.

[maturelondon]

very interesting thread, thank you all for sharing experiences. i'm out for some selected friends, but can imagine that pressures on me would be far less important.

[fearful]

you have to accept yourself because this is how you are and nothing gonna change that . i was muslim but im not now

[ButtyBoy]

Is it just me or does there seem to be a slight improvement in Europe as far as being muslim + gay concerns during the past couple of years? And when I say slight I mean slight but I see more Arab gays in chat, there are muslim gay parties and groups, I seem to be meeting more guys who are comfortable with their sexuality, etc.

[brahms67]

don t be so confused slowly u will assumed it if u want add me and we could discuss
brahms67[AT]hotmail.com and brahms672001[AT]yahoo.com

[JCangel]

most religions tell you that God loves who you are not what you are, however there is a set of if's attached to that love like the small print on a contract:

you have to be straight,
you must get married
have kids
etc

Having discussed this with christians, sikhs and muslims (to name a few religions) we all agree that it is odd.

Sometimes its hard to be religious within the restrictions that are set in front of us. If you are happy and comfortable in your own skin then it shouldn't matter. We need to educate the next generation that its ok to be themselves, that happiness comes from being comfortable in your own skin.

So that in the future the religious leaders who are the children of today will look at the world and see people that god loves because of who they are and not condemned for what they are.

Jc

[brahms67]

i don t know exactly about restrictions in religions

[gaygay99]

i know how u feel and know what position ur in...im Muslim 2 and bi..so i added u on hotmail..so lets talk

[wcand59]

We are fortunate we live in a place where we can make a choice...

[trizmr]

Sad .

[ehabo]

first of all , I just wanted to tell you that I have lived the same conflict also , I am a Muslim and does not prevent me to be gay . i know that all the 3 Monotheistic religions Prohibit and prevent sex with the same sex , but i just to talk about islam , in the Quran States do not appear directly deny homosexuality but all Muslim scholars agree that the exercise of this kind of sex is prohibited . in the islam theu also say : allah aalam witch mean that just our god know if we do right or not , and just my god can Decides if i Would be doomed to heaven or hell .

one day the prophet mohamed Companions asked him who can we Enter paradise and he say we can't enter paradise According to our high grade , we can enter paradise just Mercy of God the companions say and you our prophet he say yes .

and i can tell you example : There is a famous story in Islam Which tells the story of a woman was infidel And entered heaven because they have to take care of a thirsty dog

and And another woman was lying and fast, but entered Hell Snapshot imprisoned because they did not feed them

This is what I wanted to tell my friend

[arzika]

have u ever have sex with a man? i know its so dfficulty to fullfil family expectations but u should find out whats best 4 you and pray to your god and been gay is a chioce isnot something you born with lol

yes it is choice,you are very correct, is depend on an individual to choose wether to be religious or gay.And all those that are lying to us that they were muslims but now no more because of gay thing,we know them they are not muslims at all their aim is to pursue muslims gays to make same statement which we will never accept,I am always muslim no matter what,I cant leave best religion on earth because of gay thing never.This is a message to those enemy of Islam.

[ehabo]

,I am always muslim no matter what,I cant leave best religion on earth because of gay thing never.This is a message to those enemy of Islam.

yes and i dont think any day to leave our religion because im gay !

[Azhdeha]

U used to be a very religious muslim, but I suppose I was angered to find out that my god would want me dead for falling in love with the man who meant so much tome at the time. Hardly a god I liked.